Overwhelmed by Life? Here’s How I Found Balance as the Youngest Sibling

If the title made you read this, I can see why. Welcome to the group! I don’t mean let’s be miserable together, I just hope you feel better somehow.

Being the youngest in my family, I’ve always had the privilege of time. Like the hand-me-downs my sisters thought would look good on me, they’ve always been mindful of what I inherit from them to build my personality too. I’ve seen my sisters work around the house and help maa from a young age whenever we had guests over. Which was a lot. It was almost as if we were running a guest house, it’s not even funny. Relatives, am I right?

But I’m talking about the times when the occasional guests used to come over. I got lucky because all I had to do was greet them, sneak out to get something from the shop sometimes, even take a nap and eat the snacks after they’d left. Like any boy would. *No offence, boys!* I was pretty happy as long as I didn’t have to interact with people or help in the kitchen. I assumed that’s how it’ll always be, but then reality hit me hard when maa started giving me tasks. “Help your sister change the sheets, rearrange the cushions, serve the tea, don’t stand with me in the kitchen, I’ll do this, you go sit and talk, ask them if they need something”, she said. Until now I was only maa’s little helper. I would taste whatever delicious food she made and share funny anecdotes with her. Now, I had to interact and do chores? She was definitely onto something. I was being trained to do what my sisters were doing all along. But why? Was I not a cute, shy kid anymore? Was I growing up? Were my sisters going somewhere? Did they have some bigger tasks to take over? Did maa want to relax now after all these years? That, she should have done a long time ago. Or, did she just want me to learn and be independent? It was happening. My sisters were going off to college and it was time for me to fill their shoes. At that moment I just wanted to tell them to stay and that I could never fill their absence at home. I still can’t.

That’s the thing actually. The youngest siblings have a reputation for being carefree, with the least responsibility and rebellious, but what you don’t know is that we have to live up to the ones before us. Even if no one asks us to. It starts the moment we are born. As kids we blindly follow them into whatever they do or teach us. Initially it’s the little things like clapping, running, drawing, playing, dancing, singing which later on shifts to getting good grades, getting a job, building a career, learning survival skills, you know the rest. It’s exhausting. But we make it exhausting. We’re protected for too long that suddenly we start running out of time. I’ve had two pairs of shoes to fill, both literally and figuratively bigger than mine. I’d like to fast forward and see how that turns out. Times like these can be daunting. Here’s what can help you go through it without making it so.

You are never alone! If there’s one thing we all share, it’s this life – Everyone goes through it – Seek inspiration

They say, “The only person you should compete with is the person you were yesterday.” It’s true! That’s one way to keep yourself sane. But there’s no harm in looking up to someone. We all need a mentor in life. They may not necessarily be your family. Just someone who can hold the torch for you in the dark and guide you when you are lost, overwhelmed and zone out. Because at some point in life, they’ve been there as well. So they know what you’re going through. A friend, a partner, a colleague and in times when you feel the need to isolate yourself from any human interaction-podcasts, movies or music also tend to say things you’d want to hear to feel better. They can only guide you, they can’t walk your path for you. No one can. Among all the mentors I have, my sisters have held that space in my life for the longest time. Remember, there’s always a solution. You just have to find it, with or without someone.

The key is to look confident even without being one

As you grow up, you’ll realize that “fake it till you make it” is the only way forward. Take it from your parents, when was the last time you saw them low and having a breakdown in front of you about a situation? They never let us see what they are dealing with, and that’s something we have in common. We try not to embarrass them or let them down because they’ve invested in us so much. Almost their entire life. But when it comes to the outside world, you don’t owe anything to anyone. So, act like it. Just go out there, do your thing, be kind and never let anyone see what you’ve been feeling inside. If you’re not confident about yourself, you will easily feel triggered because of other’s insecurities. It will always feel like you’ve been targeted for being you, like something’s wrong with you when in fact, no one cares what you do. We’re all busy thinking about ourselves. So yes, confidence is the key you should own even if you misplace it sometimes.

Find something to transfer that energy to

This is where a hobby comes in handy. You don’t have to ignore your feelings but you really need an escape before it gets dark. Indulging into something you like is a great way to cope with it. Get some fresh air, read a book, workout, cook, paint, watch a movie, whatever escape means to you – do that. You’ll definitely feel better and find a way to deal with your situation. This is one thing the strong, wise, elders should learn from their little ones. They’ve beaten themselves up instead of dealing with their emotions so often and so much that they never found the time to explore what they like. I know it’s always easier said than done, but if we don’t build a home inside us to return to, we will always live anxiously with no sense of belonging within ourselves.