When Do You Know That You've Grown up?

Who do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a question we’re asked time and again since childhood. Does it ever stop? Yes. It does when you graduate. Because then, you’re assumed to have your life all figured out.

Remember in school, when everyone used to discuss the answers after exams and it was right if it matched the back of the book? This is somewhat similar. Except, the answer has changed so often and I’m still figuring it out. But you know what? My answers never matched with others anyway. Which is not good if you’re in school. Chances are, you’ll flunk the test. I may be saying this to feel better but in life the answer doesn’t have to match and that’s the beauty of it. As adults we are so caught up with our own struggles that nobody cares who you are unless you’re happy. Whatever that means to you. That’s the answer we’re all trying to achieve. I have so many questions about adult life and there’s so much to unlearn. You read it right. I said, “Unlearn”. The day you fathom who you want to be, is that when you know you’ve grown up?

They say, “Your 20s are for you to take risks.” But it’s easier said than done, don’t you think? Let’s take job for an instance. Once you get a job, there’s no way you can have a work-life balance. It’s not practical. There’s only so much you can do in 24 hours that it gets overwhelming. You’re always giving something up. So, when will you take the risks?

People often share their stories when they’ve overcome something. But I want to share a little part of mine because I’m still working towards it. It was 2019! I remember being terrified when I was seeking my graduation project internship. There was a lot going on. I felt like I’d messed up everything, including my room and my body to a point where it wasn’t healthy anymore. I was working just as hard as others but as my batchmates were getting confirmation emails, I was getting anxious. With a week left, I still wasn’t able to land an internship. Then just four days before we were supposed to join the firm, I got a call for an interview and after much anticipation came THE email. It said a lot of things, one of them being “I am happy to offer you an internship at our atelier.” I was the happiest and so proud in that moment. Those three months have been the highlight of my existence. It will always be the place where I met some amazing people, witnessed great work and had the best experience of my life. I’ve realized it’s so important to have a positive workplace otherwise you’ll often find yourself in a slump. This place gave me the confidence I needed but also had my hopes high about the fashion industry. It felt as if I was about to get my dream job right after I graduated. And I knew I would be content with my work forever, even if it meant working late. Then covid happened and things changed. Anyway! I’m grateful to have a job now because God knows how desperate I was when there weren’t any.

I’m not saying I’ve given up or I want to. No way! In fact I believe that everything happens for a reason and it will make sense eventually. Just like your periods. You have mood swings, you over eat and one day when you see the stain, it makes sense why you were being so weird. There are days when I feel confident and days when I feel like an imposter. It’s a feeling where I’m the only one holding a degree in the crowd to prove that I belong here because of this piece of paper. 

I’ve known people who love what they do but I’m not that person right now. Maybe that’s what I want to become when I grow up. I want to work and love every bit of it.