For the longest time, just like you, I didn’t understand a lot of things that were happening to me. I believed everything I read or saw, especially when it came to physical health. Things like skinny means weak, obesity means strong, short means you can’t be taken seriously, acne means ugly, quietly shaped how careful I became while building my personality.
After spending a ridiculously long time trying to figure myself out(still a work in progress, by the way), and as I slowly crawl my way into my thirties(just not yet). I’ve realized something important. There’s so much effort people put in that we casually pass off as natural beauty or effortless confidence.
That’s the thing! We let people define, or rather generalize, what being healthy and beautiful is. Which, through no fault of our own, puts a lot of pressure on us. When in fact, it’s a phase we all go through at our own pace.
It usually stems from our childhood, through our teens, then somewhere during adulthood—when we understand our bodies better, we start to listen and work with them. But by then, our mental health has often already taken a quiet hit.
Everything we see around us is usually the result of years of effort, money, and intention. I genuinely admire people who show up for themselves no matter what. It would’ve saved me so much time if I knew how to handle criticism in any form earlier.
If you are in that phase too, going back and forth with these emotions, I know how exhausting it can be. It’s a lot of work too. But it’s still not late. In fact, I think this might be the perfect time. New year, new mindset. Baby steps! What do you say?
Every body is built different
As women, our bodies are built in a way that we can have the same problems but not necessarily the same symptoms, or solutions. Whether it’s menstrual cycle, health conditions, pregnancy, it’s very important to know what’s happening through medical help before experimenting with what may work in general. Our bodies are always telling us what they want, it’s important we listen to them first. You could be gaining/losing weight because of PCOD, for instance, but eating less or more wouldn’t fix that. Changing how you approach it, might.
There’s no point stressing over what you can’t control
Easier said than done, I know. But if there’s something about you that bothers you, something you can’t control, and it hurts even more when someone mocks you for it, the answer isn’t shrinking yourself. Build boundaries, and never stop working on your personality. Not for them, but for you. A thick skin goes a long way. Block them out of your life, but never downgrade yourself to their level. Don’t give them the reaction they’re looking for. You’ll save so much time.
The strange power we give casual comments
I’ll admit that I’ve spent way too much time overthinking and taking things personally. I’ve even laughed with those who mocked me, but I’ve never done anything to change myself. And that matters. I’ve known girls who would change the way they looked if a guy told them to. I mean, a guy who clearly looks like he could use some grooming himself, calls a girl out for having a “moustache” and she waxes it off the next day? Come on!!
Now let’s try again. Who taught us what beautiful was supposed to mean? Try to remember them for a second. Exactly! You could’ve just easily made them feel badly about them, but you didn’t. We just believe anyone who has an opinion, often projecting their own insecurities and fear of being seen differently.
Not anymore, I hope.